A Trying New Year Ahead

What a crazy new year it has been, already...

The beginning has been a bit trying, to say the least.

One of the main reasons I haven't blogged is because I have been preparing for a long year ahead, without my brother. If you don't personally know me, then you probably don't know the story about my brother. I'll try to make this as quick as possible, and not bore you.

{this is my brother and I in 2009 before things got really ugly}

My brother is an alcoholic and drug addict. He is 21 years old, I am 23. He is an amazing person when he is sober, and living his life through our Lord. However, when he is high/drunk, he is the worst person I personally know. My brother has been an addict/alcoholic since he was 14, yes 14. He would sneak things into our home, hide them, and use...over and over again. His high school years were mostly a blur because he was high. He didn't graduate high school because he was high. He has been arrested 3 times in the past 2 years because he was high. He has totaled 2 vehicles between June 2008 and June 2009. He is in trouble, and he needs help.

The Story:

In October of 2009, he was arrested and put in jail, and immediately was bailed out by my parents. He then begged us to help admit himself into a rehab center. He went for 45 days. We learned so much about this incredibly baffling disease, and were educated beyond all belief even though it was extremely overwhelming. From that day forward, the lives of our family would never be the same.

He was at his first rehab for 45 days, relapsed (in our house with both my parents and myself in the house, and we had no idea, while he was there for 2 days) when he got out, and went into a more strict rehab center for 4 months. He then moved into a sober house, and then another one, then his own apartment, and then he was arrested for a DWI in October of 2010  in downtown Austin. He broke his curfew, he drank, he did drugs, and he tried to drive, at 4 o'clock in the morning.

He served his time in jail for 14 days, yes 14 days for a DWI, insane that its that short, trust me its not enough. He now has a DWI on his record, and it will never come off. However, the other charges that were dropped, just days before his DWI, came back on his record, and his probation was revoked, and he had to go in front of a judge to decide his future.

The judge sentenced him to 8 months in a state treatment center near Austin. As well as adding 3 months to that sentence of being in a state sober house in Austin. 11 months of recovery. He must admit himself into the county jail, and then he will stay there until a bed opens up in the treatment center. He could be in the jail for a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months. The 8 months doesn't start until he enters the treatment center.

Recently things with John were wonderful, we know longer let him put guilt trips on us, he was a much happier person to be around. Even though he is one of the most selfish people I know, it was awesome to be with my little brother for Christmas, since we hadn't spent the holidays together in 2 years.

On Tuesday, our family drove the 3 hours to the county jail where his sentence was supposed to be filled. However, his probation officer wasn't there, and the jail had no record that he was supposed to be going in. It was infuriating, stressfull, and emotionally draining. So we drove the 3 hours back to our house for the night, and my mom, my brother and I watched some home movies of when he was 1. Home movies from 20 years ago.

The only thing that he managed to say during the movies was how our lives were revolved around me, yes me. He said I was spoiled and wanted all the attention, and took all the attention away from him, even on his birthday. It angered both my mother and I, and we stopped the movies in disappointment that this disease was taking him from us.

Wednesday his probation officer called with a horrible attitude, mad at the world that John wasn't in jail that morning when he called from vacation. He told us that John needed to be there now, and that he was in violation of his court order. My father was infuriated and told us that we would be dropping John off again and going through the 6+hours we drove the day before all over agian. It was just as stressfull as the day before, but we managed to drop him off for good. He is still in a holding cell in the county jail as I'm writing this. Again the sentence doesn't start until he arrives at the treatment center.

If you are wondering why I'm emphasizing this, my wedding is in 9 months and 16 days. He is to spend 8 months in the treatment center. If he doesn't get in to the treatment center before February 15, he won't be able to be a groomsman in Brian and I's wedding. I actually took him to Men's Wearhouse last week and got his measurements because we knew he couldn't get measured in June/July like we intend the rest of the groomsmen to get fitted.

Now you're asking, how could you do so much for him and love such an evil person? My answer is, he is my brother, he always is, he always is be. It's not my brother doing these evil, sinful things, it's the diseases. He has two diseases, alcoholism and addiction. Most people don't believe this to be true. They think it has something to do with maturity, and becoming an adult. But his diseases prevent him from maturing and becoming an adult. His brain is missing a crucial deciding ability. The addict/alcoholic is spontaneous and doesn't think about the consequences of their actions until its too late. I just thank the good Lord that he isn't dead, or hasn't killed anyone. God has watched over him all these years and has made sure that this hasn't happened yet. My brother has only hurt our family and more importantly himself, and God.

My parents and I have been educated enough about these diseases to let it all go. We've understood everything we could about what we're going through. We have thrown our hands to God in confusion and conflicting emotions. We so badly want to rescue him, but we so badly want to be angry with him, and the truth is, neither one will suffice enough, as much as we'd like to think.

Summary of this story {which I'm sure you're wondering what it is}: I won't be seeing my brother for at least a few months, and maybe even the full 8 months that he is in the treatment center. I love my brother, probably more than he would like me to, and more than he loves me. I no longer have much emotion when it comes to talking, or thinking about him. I simply pray for him, and our family as this journey goes on, and I leave it all to God for the future. I've come to terms that he probably won't be a part of the biggest day of my life. But I still have an inch of hope in a million foot journey that we're going through.

There is a lot more that I could have covered, but I'm pretty sure this is the jist of this subject. I know many of you may have questions, so give me a chance to answer them by commenting below. I have no problem with being completely honest about this situation.

Please pray for our family, and for my brother. I don't want sympathy, I want prayers. Prayers that help heal my brother, prayers that help heal our family.

my brother John, my fiance' Brian, my dad, me and my mom at a Port Aransas family vacation in September 2009

my brother, me, my mom, and my dad at Baffin Bay October 2010

Here are a few verses to leave you with that tugged on my heart strings during the past few days, that seemed to relate to how I was feeling.

***My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. *James 1:19-21*

***And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. *1 Peter 5:10*

***Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. *Proverbs 16:3*

***Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. *James 1:2-4*

God Bless,